Monday, March 23, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Thursday, March 05, 2015
I Go To An Optician.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
A Woman Touches My Testicles.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
I Make A New Friend I Instantly Dislike. As Usual.
Friday, January 02, 2015
An Odd Encounter With A Person Of No Fixed Abode.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
At this point he had died two days previously. Practicalities aside, we'd not spoken of it.
Saturday, December 06, 2014
“Previously, On ‘Tired Dad’…
- Made redundant by Evil Multi-National Media Corporation (last week in fact). People of my acquaintance have argued that if one decides to work for an Australian media mogul of limited morals then one gets all one deserves. They can fuck themselves.
- Fell in love. With an actual real-life woman. Anyone who has ever met me will be unsurprised to hear that this did not end well.
- Afflicted with a brief attack of labyrinthitis (look it up, I can’t be bothered to create a link.). Colleagues, paramedics and Accident and Emergency doctors all thought I was having a stroke. Not embarrassed to admit that I’ve never been so scared.
- Also had a similarly dramatic epileptic episode in my place of work. Unsettled some people, but it did have a positive outcome. Unfortunately, I have also had more related incidents in the past six months than in any time since my diagnosis.
- Have spent more time this year with my Favourite Son and Favourite Daughter than at any time since Tired Mam decided everyone’s life would be improved by moving four hundred miles away without me. “It’s been a ‘Daddy’ year” Favourite Son solemnly intoned whilst discussing this.
- I do not normally give much time to Halloween but, as offspring were staying with me at the time, we had what they described as the “best one ever”.
- Met Tired Mam’s new ‘fella’. He seemed alright, to be honest. Nodded his head a bit too much but nobody’s perfect.
- Got my VHS video-recorder to work again.
- Appalled by the fact that my now twelve-year-old Favourite Daughter has become – without any consultation – a Young Woman, resplendent with hips, bum, tiny waist, vest-tops and constant flirtatiousness.
- My Grandfather died. Being a massively self-involved person, I didn’t realise until after his funeral that he was the only constant elder-male figure throughout my life and the only man I’ve ever looked-up to. I still haven’t cried.
- Finally figured-out the SCART leads at the back of my television so I can have the VHS, DVD player and Freeview box all workable at once. I don’t watch television much but, you know.
Monday, June 02, 2014
Old Skool And That.
Wednesday, May 07, 2014
An Aching Leg.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Inappropriate Jokes And Massive Insults.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Yet Another New Job.
Me:..so yeah if you just cut the sprouts in half and fry them face-down without boiling the flavour is totally different.
New Blonde Colleague: Actually that sounds really good. I might try that. Maybe with a bit of garlic. And I'd probably use single cream...
New Blonde Colleague is no substitute for the original Blonde Colleague who has tiresomely decided to give birth and is no longer available for my amusement but she has become an immediate and close friend which is a bit odd for me.
Me: Sounds good. If I were to make it again I'd add some mushrooms...
NBC: Ooh yeah...
Me: Use pancetta though...
New Blonde Colleague is rake thin and eats like a horse and adores food, as do I. Also listening is New Thug Colleague, who is a skinhead, over-weight, plays bass in a punk band and is a massive Newcastle United fan. He has been surrounded by a predominately female working environment for some time and has been struggling with it.
New Thug Colleague: You know what Tired?
NTC: When I heard you were joining us I couldn't wait to have another bloke here.
NTC: I hope we get one some day.
Me: Bite me.
It seems to be going well.